Aiden and Alfred
by Newtoys
Summary: Two poor soul come across each other path. Was it fate? Will the two ever meet face to face?  No it's not yaoi, but they are both boys.
1. In the Land Down Under

[[ Hey guys! So I finally deiced to start off this thing with a new story! Well my first story. Please enjoy, reviews are loved. ]]

Aiden Alex Kirkland eyes where the color of dark grass, his birth mark that laid over his nose the color of poo. The young boy is looking out the window to see his neighbor in his own home. Two dogs getting it on in his yawn. It was Saturday afternoon, and he was bored. Aiden wished he had a friend to play piggy backs with. Well Aiden thought the dogs where playing piggy backs. Aiden sighed and walked away from the window. His mood ring, which he had found in a box of crackers, was the color of gray. Which, according to the chart, meant he was pensive, ambitious, or hungry. So he sat down on his toy box in front of his bed and ate some candy. His only friend's where the animals from Camp Lazlo. They weren't the real ones you bought in the shop, but fake one's he had to make him self from shells, gum, pompoms, and chicken bones from Friday night dinner. He had to make his own toys, and his favorite where shrinks. Photo chip packets, that he had shuck in the oven.

Aiden father, Arthur Kirkland, worked in a factory attaching the strings to teabags. At show and tell, he told the class "He could get as many teabags as he wanted". Aiden favorite teabag was Earl Gray. He loved saying Earl Gray. And would like, one day, to marry a women named Earl Gray. They would live in a castle in Scotland, have nine babies, two ducks, and a dog who they would call Jack. Arthur hobby was to sit in his shied and drink, Baileys Irish Cream, and stuff birds he found on the road. Aiden wished he would spend more time with him and less with his..dead friends. Arthur had a problem where he thought he could see things and hear them talk to him. Crazy man he was. Aiden also wished he had some brothers and sisters. His mother had told him that he was a mistake. How could someone be an accident?

Her uncle Angus said that babies where found at the bottom of beer bottles. Uncle Angus smelt like pickled eggs, and had been a member of the Scottish Ice Breakers for fifty-one years. They swam in winter to fell alive. He had died the year before, age seventh-four. Aiden missed him, and wondered why he had drunk ammonia. A lot of things puzzled Aiden. Epically his mother, Alice Kirkland. To Aiden, Alice was always wobbly. Alice liked to listen to cricket while she baked, and her main ingredients was always, Sheery. She told Aiden that it was a type of tea for only grown ups. Aiden couldn't also understand why Alice was always borrowing things. Yesterday, she borrowed some fish fingers from isle six. She told Aiden that she put things up her dress to save plastic bags.

One day it was pouring rain outside. Aiden sat on his bed thinking about how to make friends on Monday. Aiden stopped day dreaming and went to fetch his pet kola from outside. His father had found the kola on the side of the freeway, after he had fallen off the back of a slaughter truck. Aiden named him Sydney. Aiden sat on the couch and put Sydney beside him. It was time to watch Camp Lazo. There was nothing nicer then the smell of a wet kola, the sound of rain on the roof, and the taste of sweeten condensed milk straight from the can.

[Okay, so it was short...BUT IT WILL GET BETTER! Maybe...I'm not sure. ]


	2. Meanwhile in New York

[[ Next chapter already! We entry Alfred's life in this on. ]]

Meanwhile, in New York.

The huge city was lite up, even though it was late at night. A large sign said 'Welcome to New York'. Then three bullets where fired into the sign. Outside a large apartment, there was a homeless man, his dog, and a can that said 'Hugs 50 cents'. Meanwhile, a man called Alfred F. Jones was also watching Camp Lazlo. Alfred small television had picture, but no sound. A blond man is seen in jogging pants and a t-shirt, sitting on the couch. His big television sound, but no picture. He's was thirty-four and liked Camp Lazlo cause it was humors and had lots of bright lights. Alfred had troubling sleep, so he spent the night watching television and catching fish food. Alfred heard the fly buzz past his ear and he caught it in one swift moment. He noted to himself that this was the sixth fly that he had caught this night. From the other side of the room, he heard the grandfather clock go off. Was it already three am? Alfred rubbed his chin and thought.

He wondered if he should go to bed..or eat another chocolate hotdog. Alfred snapped his fingers and stood up. He decided to do both. But, it didn't work. He sighed and got up again, stumbles his way to where his fish bowel was. It had been six hours and twelve minutes, since Tony the eighth had passed away. And Tony's death had thrown Alfred's life out of order. A sigh escaped his mouth and he took Tony out and flashed him. He decided the sooner he got a new fish, the better. Tomorrow he would go to the pet store and get another Tony.

[[Really short I know, but the next chapter is where they actually start to talk. ]]


	3. The letter

It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon. Aiden and his mother where out at the post office. There the post office all you heard was the counter man's voice going next. It was shopping day, and Aiden sat patiently as his mother borrowed some envelopes. To feel in time, Aiden scanned the room and counted how many things where brown. There was duck tape, rubber bands, and a phone book that had a lady standing in a lake with her hand on fire. Aiden picked up the phone book and looked through it.

'People have wired names in America.' Aiden thought to himself as he turned the pages. 'Banner, Chamberlain, Finklestein' He giggled as he kept turning. He wondered what they looked like, how old where they, and if they had found babies in there beer. 'Maybe in America..people find babies else where. They drink a lot of soda. Maybe that's where they find them.' He nodded agreeing with himself. 'But then again...babies are a little bigger.' Just then it hit him. He would write to one of them, and ask where babies came from. He flipped through pages like a mad man, till he reached the J's. He choose a mister A. Jones. Carefully he looked around and made sure no one was looking before ribbing out the address.

"Come on. Hurry up." Alice hissed as she grabbed Aiden hand, dragging him off back home. Later on that night Aiden tucked under his covers with his flash light and began to write. Once he was done he read the letter back to himself.

"Dear Mister A. Jones,

My name is Aiden. I am eleven years, six months, and nine days old. My favorite color is brown, and my favorite food is sweeten condensed milk followed closely by chocolate. I have a kola called Sydney, that looks like this." He had another piece of paper that had his kola drawn on it. "My mother likes smoking, cricket, and Sherry. And my father likes playing in his shield with Uni the Unicorn and the dead birds. Where do babies come from in America? Do they come from Cola cans? In Austrialla, they come from beer bottles. Here is a drawing of me. I can't draw ears proper but I can do teeth. It would be great if you would write back and be my friend.

Yours sincerely,

Aiden Alex Kirkland.

P.S. I hope you like the chocolate bar I am also sending. It's called a cherry ripe."

The next morning, he packed it down with stamps and put it in the mailbox. "Goodbye mail, don't forget to write".


	4. Returning

In New York, it was dark. Alfred Jones had just gotten home from his job. Car less, he had to walk. He phanted and stumbled a few times as he walked to the elevator. Before getting in, he stopped and got his mail. It was a letter and a small yellow packet. Alfred hated Thursday's, the day of his O.E.G, Over Eaters Gathering. But, tonight he felt even worse. On the way to his meeting he ate two chocolate hotdogs. Eating chocolate was breaking the rules. He found the night even more unbearably because of Natalya strange eye glances. Alfred had problems understanding Females. Flirting was a foreign to him as jogging. Alfred found most people very confusing.

But little did Alfred realize that his night was going to become more confusing. He pulled out the candy bar and the letter and stared. Alfred sat on his couch and ate his candy. He read Aiden letter four times. Once on the couch, once in the kitchen, once in the bathroom, and then when he was ready to go to bed. Alfred shook his head and went off to dream land. The next morning he picked up the letter again.

"It couldn't hurt could it?" He decided and sat in front of his type writer. After thirty minutes of typing he finally finished.

"Dear Aiden Alex Kirkland,

thank you for the letter which I open and read at 9:17 pm after my Over Eaters Gathering class. I am trying to lose weight because my physicist says a healthy body equals a healthy mind. He says my mind is not that healthy. Your drawing looks pretty damn good to me. I have never meet anyone from Australia. Firstly, I will answer your question. Unfortunately in America, babies are not found in Cola cans. I asked my mother when I was four she said they came from eggs, that rabies laid. If you aren't Jewish, they are laid by Catholic nuns, if your an atheist they are laid by dirty old hookers. I share my home with a fish, snails who I named after my favorite states, a parrot called Mister Biscuit, and finally a cat called, Walie. I call him Walie cause he was found while I was looking for whales. He followed me home after a gang of children stab is eye out with a stick.

Do you have a pet Kangaroo? When I was born my father left me and my mom on my uncles farm. She shoot her self with my uncle's gun when I was six. Do you like chocolate hot dogs? I can send you the receipt if you want. When I was young, I invited an invisible friend. I called him Mr. Ravioli. My therapist says I don't need him any more, so he just sits in the corner and reads. Last week I picked up 128 cigarette butts. This is bad, cause they wash out to the sea and fishes become addicted to nicotine. I am just joking, cause of course it is impossible for a cigarette to remind lit under water. Also fish do not have pockets to keep cigarette lighters in. I am 32 years old, and I have 8 track suits all the same size. I weigh 382 pounds, and I am as tall as a 6 foot tree. I enjoy entering the lottery. I have played the same numbers for 9 years now.

I have had many jobs in my life. My first job was collecting subway tokens in the subway. My seconded job was at Yiddles Gourmet Suppilies, I worked at a machine that made prepacked noodles. I was born Jewish and used to believe in God, but I have read to many books. Even though I am an atheist, I still wear my yamaka. It keeps my brain warm. My third job was for a company that printed logo's on frisbees. A frisbee is like a boomerang, expect it doesn't come back. My fourth job was when I was called up into jeweler duty. I didn't get paid much, but I got free cookies and coffee. Jewess are awesome people..who haven't murdered anybody. I was in a trail where a man had killed all his friends, at his own surprise birthday party. But, I was kicked out cause I used to be a mental patient. Have you ever been hang-gliding? My fifth job was that I worked for the United Nations Peace Core. It was a job where everyone from different countries got together and tried to make peace. One day they did a security test and asked me was I part of any groups, I said that I was part of the New-York Rocky Horror Picture Show fanclub. They said that didn't count, but fired me anyway. Frontally I didn't tell them that I hated foreigners. Especially Communist.

Have you ever been attacked by a crow or a very large bird? When I was nine, a bird attacked me on my way to school. I got three stitches now in spring I wear a helmet. People laugh at my helmet. People often confuse me. New York is to loud I rather live on the moon. I don't like crowds, bright lights, sudden noises, or strong smells. I find human hard to understand. I think however I will be able to understand you. You will be very happy, and I think that you would smell like a shrimp. Even though I not told you about my sixth job in a condom factory, I have to go.

Write back soon, your friend

Alfred F. Jones."

He walked down to the post office of the hotel he lived in and put the letter in the box. "Go in good health." He nodded and walked away. He wondered when his new friend would write back.


End file.
